Spotlight On... guys

"He's Just Not That Into You." is a well thought and fun film full of honesty about romantic relationships. At least it thinks so. As a single girl I found the film rather discouraging and degrading to the nature of... men.
The lead character is an energetic and peppy single girl who is a bit overzealous in her dating endeavors. She jumps to conclusions and puts herself into situations that become embarrassing and she ends up making a bit of a fool of herself as well as a nuisance. Thankfully, a young and uninterested (therefore unbiased) bar tender comes to her rescue and offers advice to help her navigate the world of single men. Thus begins the adventures of one of the many couples that you root for (or against) the remainder of the film. My particular favorite of the stories is the coupling of Jennifer Aniston and Ben Affleck playing a pair that have been together for 7 years, and while she believes in marriage, he does not. The film is in many ways a wake up call to girls who "love the drama" and agonize over possible reasons a guy is not making a move. Often times the reality is... he does not want to. The guru played by Justin Long, (whom I've loved since Galaxy Quest) explains to our heroine that girls hold too tightly to the dreams that have been sparked by 'exceptions' to the norm, when they are 'the rule.'
As a single young woman watching the film, I could see how happily married or involved couples could enjoy the film and even most well adjusted independent women would agree whole heartedly with the message that sometimes the best step into our future is to be alone, for a change. If I hadn't related all too well to every negative experience our girls had I may have just as likely recommended it to anyone. However, the end of the film left me feeling a little hopeless. Am I doomed to a future of navigating the cues that are obvious to every other male on the planet but somehow indiscernible to the girls? Are the only options to be 1-a sucker, or 2-alone?
Looking back again over the list of men that our young single girl encountered in this film I came to a conclusion- all of them were jerks. Completely oblivious because of their self centered views they care nothing about the plight of the girl in front of them, but want to avoid looking like a jerk (there is a difference- reputation concern does not equal genuine concern). This film
does not do a favor for men. It perpetuates the idea that it's somehow a girl's fault that she can't see through lies-forget the fact that she's being lied to by a liar.
This cuts to the most trying issue of girls who are looking: we want to believe you. We want you to be the stand up guy who is acting kind and sweet. Is it really such a mystical jump that we would believe someone when they promise a phone call? According to the movie, yes it is. This film teaches us to distrust and keep on guard when looking out for a man we'd like to connect with-why? Because all guys are liars. All guys will first save their own skin. This depiction is absolutely dismal and unfair-to men.
I have to believe there are men out there who say what they mean and mean what they say. Men who will be up front enough to say "you know, this just isn't working out, you're not the girl for me." and maybe even tell you why- which is so much more constructive than stringing a girl along.
Now, I don't blame the men for everything bad that happened to our hapless heroine. I can't count the number of times I said under my breath "Oh please don't do that... oh no." And there is a legitimate issue with women who insist on encouraging their friends instead of being honest enough to say "he didn't call, because he's not interested." And the biggest discouragement of all would be believing that this is the end all be all picture of relationships because it leaves one BIG thing out of the picture: God's sovereignty.
God's plan for my life is bigger than just "will I or won't I get married." I need to continue seeking His perfect will, which may or may not include that. If I do start a relationship it will be in His timing, and His way (I hear His ways are perfect...) and Nothing is better than that.

Spotlight on Dependance

Before the throne of God I stand

Alone, endless white surrounds me. I gaze upon the throne with trepidation and resolve. I have been made righteous… and I will continue in this righteousness.

As I gaze upon the Lord, suddenly to my right, there is my sin. The black rough edged matter is a small and nearly insignificant pile. I don't even look at it. To look at it is to acknowledge its existence, and to recognize it as my own is to give it power. My gaze remains fixed upon the Lord. He knows my sin. He knows I fight against it. As I look to the Lord, with my eyes I say, You are my fortress. I take courage in you.

My sin grows. Suddenly the pile that was small and seemingly insignificant rapidly multiplies to be a steadily growing mound that if I were to turn my gaze to the side, it would crowd my vision. But I refuse to break my gaze away from the Lord. I resolve to be strong and stand firm before the Lord. He knows I struggle against it. He knows I choose to look on Him instead of my sin. But the mass of rough edged rock like blackness is now pushing by me. The once small and manageable pile at my feet is now running past me in an endless river that is rising, stark and harshly contrasting the pure white surroundings. All the while I gaze straight at the throne and nowhere else. Obviously sinking in my own wrong, I determine that by my resolve I shall stand. Struggle to maintain my balance and stay upright before God.

The anxiety I feel is rising. The waist deep teeming mass of dark and sharp edged ugliness is becoming an endless sea that threatens to swallow me. And I start to feel anger- anger at my own weakness, and foolishness. I can feel my footing start to slip. I am neck deep in my own sin that I rail against. I am being battered by the blackness, against my will. How can I ever stand? How can I possibly remain before the Lord? Any moment my footing will be knocked out from under me and I will vanish from before the throne, swept into the darkness which I have borne. It's impossible. And as I stretch out my arm toward the throne to reach toward the Lord as if to grab a hold, I am overtaken by the raging waves of iniquity and disappear from the throne, powerless to escape the raging sea. I am hopeless; lost forever from the presence of the throne. I cannot escape the ocean that is carrying me away, nor can I find footing to fight the endless current of the endless expanse of my own sin.

And I tried. I really did. For as long as I could I stood where I knew I should be. I stood with all my strength, willpower and desire to be right with God- to remain righteous-to be worthy of the grace I have been given. It was all in vain. I was powerless against my own wrong. How could I, how could anyone hope to stand before the throne? We are our own saboteurs, despite our best efforts we cannot remain in righteous standing before the Lord.

My despair is causing me to sink into the waves of death that have swept me away. On the horizon there is one immovable object. As I am swept closer the figure comes more into focus. There ahead of me standing firm and immovable is a cross. A man, who is weeping in anguish, is nailed to that cross. As my sin sweeps past and around this man on the cross the rough and sharp edges of my terrible deeds rip and tear away his flesh. The stone like black ugliness is battering him, crushing his bones and bruising his face. I do not want to look. I can't bear to see the things that I have done to this man. But the immovable cross is directly ahead of me. I see that along with my sin, I am being dragged with the full force of the flood toward the cross. I will be bashed against it with the blow of a battering ram and I know I will be broken by the force. Worse yet, I know that the force of my impact on this man will be the final strike that breaks Him.

Suddenly in one blinding crash, I am swept into the cross, against Jesus the Lamb of God. I close my eyes against the searing pain. As I weep I hear His sobs.

Then, I feel his arms wrap around me. He turns and holds me to him with surprising strength, and as he does the blood pouring from his battered body is smeared all over me. I am covered in it. I no more feel the rushing river of sin, because he is taking the impact of it. My ears are filled with the sound of his voice, as he prays over me. He prays over me. I am the one whose sin has broken his body. I am powerless and undeserving having done nothing righteous. My best efforts have come to nothing. Yet He holds me still.

I open my eyes, and gone is the endless ocean of my sin. I am standing whole and healed of all brokenness again before the throne of God. And holding me firm, steadying my hand, holding me still is Jesus. Yeshua the blameless one who still carries the wounds that my sin has left. He remains broken still so I can be whole.

My heart is full of so many things, and all I can do is gaze on my Savior. Cling to Him who has made me whole.

Before the throne of God I stand.

25 Random things about me!

1) I can talk and sing with my mouth closed.

2) I literally woke up the neighborhood when I experienced my first and only bee-sting at 7. People called.

3) When I was about 6, I almost died from electric shock. I was leaning to tell time, and I needed to look at the only clock that wasn't digital. In an attempt to unplug it from the wall, I did what every sensible child does: rely on the strongest weapon your body offers-your teeth.
Have you ever seen those old cartoons when the character gets shocked and all the black and white squiggly lines fill the tv screen? Yeah, it's like that.

4) At 6 I also sliced my cheek open on a Gatorade bottle. Remember when those used to be made of clouded glass? That's why they're plastic now...I was a bit adventurous and accident prone as a child.

5) In the summer I spent with my aunt on her dairy, I baby sat 2 infants, drove a truck, swam all day unsupervised, got lost in a cornfield, stayed up all night watching Under Siege and the Cutting Edge and various action films and lived on popsicles... I was 9.

6) I HATE when people say "I could care less." THAT IS NOT A QUALITATIVE STATEMENT! It means NOTHING! There is no way to discern your level of caring from that statement. The ACTUAL phrase is " I COULDN'T care less" saying that you do not care at all and it would not be possible for you to have any less care.

7) I LOVE old movies. I have a long list of favorites. Most of them have Cary Grant or Katherine Hepburn in them. This being said, I have never seen Gone With the Wind.

8) I have a phobia of being lost in deep open water, and anything that swims that is larger than a dolphin. I don't care what they say, Shamu is NOT your friend. KILLER whale people. They have the word KILLER in their name for a reason!

9) I am claustrophobic. The worst case I ever experienced was the trip I took to the top of the Statue of Liberty. The stairs up and down were a nightmare.

10) My first love was a boy named Ryan who I met in Sunday school. I cried when he moved away.

11) I LOVE fireworks.

12) I remember my first lead role in a musical so vividly, I could probably step into the roll with an hour's notice.

13) I witnessed someone requesting O.J. Simpson write "I did it" as an autograph.

14) I am usually the last person to need a restroom on a road trip. (I outlasted both my brother and father on a trip to Monterey Bay- twice over.) This is partially due to my amazing bladder control, and a healthy fear of public restrooms.

15) I can not eat eggs. I will vomit.

16) I do not like birds.

17) I LOVE big Dogs.

18) I have size 11 feet, which makes my love of shoes tragic.

19) I am addicted to buying cards and stationary.

20) I read each book in the Twilight series in hour and a half sittings- in Borders.

21) I had a childhood dream come true twice over in getting to perform with Psalty the singing songbook for the Harvest Kids Crusade 2 times, then becoming the choreographer for the kids crusade 3 years later.

22) I break into song in random locations.

23) I am allergic to 2 things: A weed that grows somewhere in Australia, and cockroaches.

24) I have never broken a bone.

25) My dream role in a straight show is Beatrice in Much Ado About Nothing. My dream role in a musical is Eliza Dolittle in My Fair Lady.