Spotlight on Illness

Being sick makes people miserable. At least it makes me miserable. There's the whole getting sick part, which is frustrating. The sinking sensation that all the vitamins and healthy things you throw into your system are an exercise in futility, because you are slipping still into the realm of the sick. Then there's the crash. Your body full on protests to any normal activity by taking all senses and making them difficult-the eyes are unfocused, the nose becomes not only useless, but a hindrance to sleeping as well as breathing, because snoring now enters the picture. These impediments are almost worse than not being able to do anything at all- because you still try to use these senses as if they were fully functional-which calls back the frustration. Then the coma like state of exhaustion, which turns to restlessness when your mind won't stop thinking about all the things you should be doing, but can't because you won't be able to complete them in a manner that is helpful or efficient-because your mind is cloudy-partly from medication, partly from exhaustion. Then the stir crazy-where you know you don't feel well, but you're done and bored with the just laying around and feeling useless. You have 2 options - still sit around and try to keep your active mind quiet, or become prematurely active and relapse.
The worst part of all however, is the loneliness. The loneliness is the worst because it breeds selfishness and pride, grows resentment from bitterness, stokes the fires of our tempers to produce anger. Loneliness can also speak dark things to us, and create a growth environment for insecurity and pain, which can open the door to the downward spiral staircase of depression. And to cope with this horrible foe-we turn to the things we've exercised to escape. The escapism of a television show or movie. Food that brings comfort. A video game that brings excitement- anything to leave the present state. Using these diversions to ignore the loneliness works less and less, so we do the logical thing and seek after these things more and more, turning the escapism into gluttony. Sure it's only for a few days, but when do we start picking up the slack again? Do we wait til we're no longer ill, or at least use that as an excuse?
Why turn to these things at all? Why can't the time instead be filled with seeping ourselves in the Lord? Listening more carefully for His voice. Praying, reading the Word- filling the time and myself with things that will build up the soul. Is it possible that the Lord even allowed this illness for this time to get my attention? If this is my trial, and I'm being tested, what a missed opportunity this would be. For if I were truly using this time wisely, the loneliness would not defeat me, because I'd be spending my time with someone of far greater worth than any diversion.