Being inundated with the Christianeese you find in all these places, I knew the jargon and the theological terms, and how to use them. I could sing on any worship team and deliver any speech (I once gave an abstinence talk for extra credit) and think nothing of it- in front of a primarily Christian audience.
Inside, hidden away was something I considered a shameful secret: I was a coward. Whenever people would go out street witnessing, I would make some excuse and opt out. When it came time to move out of my pond and transition to a bigger school - public college, there was a small part of me that always remained frightened. The idea of getting into a discussion about my Christianity, and my beliefs put me in a cold sweat.
I was fearful of looking foolish: of saying something that was unsound and therefore ridiculous. Fearful I wouldn't know the answer to the questions or objections of a skeptic. And to my deepest shame, there was a part of me that was nervous that if I truly listened without being armored up, I might be shaken in my own faith.
This fear stemmed from something quite simple actually- I lacked regular scripture in my diet.The environment that spoon fed me the truth of who God was, and how to look at things with a Biblical perspective had not done something quite vital-I had not been motivated to read the Bible on my own. In fact, I was so burnt out by everything I was doing for necessity in school, church, ministry... I viewed personal Bible reading as a chore that I didn't have the will to complete. I felt that my environment gave me enough-more than.
I needed a change.
Truth be told, I always knew I needed one.
But what? How?
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