spotlight on courage, part 3

The key to courage:
Faith.

"So then faith comes by hearing,
and hearing by the word of God."
~Romans 10:17

When I think about the way my relationships have changed as a result of getting scripture into my regular diet- with the Lord, with the world, with my community... it's incredible. I can always rest in the confidence of who God is. The vitality of the word of God in the life of a believer becomes more and more relevant and evidenced as I continue to read. I can honestly say there has never been a time I have opened the word since committing to go forward in prayer that I have not been built into.
Key things that helped me getting into the Word:
Getting into a small Bible Study.
A place I felt was comfortable enough to ask questions, because the people there were trustworthy and knowledgeable about the word as well as humble. The fact that there was no other agenda than to read the Bible in community was helpful as well. Simply reading the word of the Lord and counting on Him to do the revealing. No written assignments. No model for application. Read the chapter, and talk about what it was actually saying. What was really going on.
Surprisingly, I have found this experience rare. There is a tendency in small groups to follow a guide or a manual. I more often find people getting together to read inspirational books on how to live according to the word of God. Why not just read the word of God? We can trust that He will not let His word return void. If the heart is willing to seek Him first and be open to what God is truly saying, then He will meet the heart of the seeker.
Setting up a pattern for study, and sticking to that pattern.
Mine was a chapter a day. Now, I may not always be able to repeat the whole chapter. But I have found that the Lord always reveals something-if I ask Him to. Sometimes it will be reading a long series of chapters and then a huge revelation will hit, and I look back at the journey and see how the Lord prepared my heart.
The fact that there was a group of people on the same pattern was a huge help. Getting an e-mail every day that just let you know there were others on the same page is a huge encouragement.
Learning the Cultural Context.
Understanding the cultural context of when the scripture was written is a very doable thing. In my case, the leaders of my study brought the Jewish culture of the time into the forefront in way I had yet to process. With that as a tool, pieces of scripture that I used to skip over and assume would never become clear to me were suddenly hugely revelatory, and put many things into a whole new perspective. Since then I have found if something seems not to make sense or is not easily understood, sometimes those things are the pieces I need to go back to the most. They can be the part of the passage that puts an entirely new perspective on things, or the crux of a lesson the Lord has for me.

Our God wants to be known. He has given us the means to know Him in His word.

spotlight on courage, part 2

I had identified my problem: I wasn't in the word of God.
The Solution: Start reading the Bible.
Hurdles: Guilt... the guilt that I was presenting myself to the world as a Christian who didn't really know how to stand on her own two feet.
There was also the fact that when I would read my Bible on my own, I felt like I was missing something-missing alot actually. There were things that I simply assumed I would never understand. That frustrated me.
So what was my solution?
Prayer. It was so simple, it felt foolish. Praying to the Lord to help me understand what I was reading. Praying that something would change and I would understand what was going on. So I committed my heart to praying honestly for understanding. I also had a willing spirit... to do whatever work I needed to do to get to that place... truly open to whatever the Lord led me to.
Next came the step of faith: committing to discipline myself to read regularly, expecting results.
These were the necessary inner changes that prompted behavioral changes.
And God met me.
As I read, I would find that things became more and more clear, and easier to understand. My entire walk was truly revolutionized. The confidence in the God I serve grew exponentially. The confidence that I could know God's direct will for my life, for humanity, his plan for salvation... the answers to SO many questions I struggled with, were all there! It was like I was finally reading the manual to life.
I was astonished. I knew it was an answer to prayer.

Spotlight on Courage

K. I could pretty much be the poster child for the growing up Christian. Raised by Christian parents-check. Homeschooled for early education-check. Private Christian Education-check. Involved in many church functions, ministries, activities, extra curriculars-check. Was a "good kid" who hung out with other "good kids". And we really were good actually...
Being inundated with the Christianeese you find in all these places, I knew the jargon and the theological terms, and how to use them. I could sing on any worship team and deliver any speech (I once gave an abstinence talk for extra credit) and think nothing of it- in front of a primarily Christian audience.
Inside, hidden away was something I considered a shameful secret: I was a coward. Whenever people would go out street witnessing, I would make some excuse and opt out. When it came time to move out of my pond and transition to a bigger school - public college, there was a small part of me that always remained frightened. The idea of getting into a discussion about my Christianity, and my beliefs put me in a cold sweat.
I was fearful of looking foolish: of saying something that was unsound and therefore ridiculous. Fearful I wouldn't know the answer to the questions or objections of a skeptic. And to my deepest shame, there was a part of me that was nervous that if I truly listened without being armored up, I might be shaken in my own faith.
This fear stemmed from something quite simple actually- I lacked regular scripture in my diet.





The environment that spoon fed me the truth of who God was, and how to look at things with a Biblical perspective had not done something quite vital-I had not been motivated to read the Bible on my own. In fact, I was so burnt out by everything I was doing for necessity in school, church, ministry... I viewed personal Bible reading as a chore that I didn't have the will to complete. I felt that my environment gave me enough-more than.
I needed a change.
Truth be told, I always knew I needed one.
But what? How?

Spotlight on self righteousness

"Who among you fears the Lord and obeys his servant?
If you are walking in darkness, without a ray of light,
trust in the Lord and rely on your God.
But watch out, you who live in your own light and warm yourselves by your own fires.
This is the reward you will receive from me:
You will soon fall down in great torment." Is. 50:10-11

Walking in our own light...

Spotlight On... guys

"He's Just Not That Into You." is a well thought and fun film full of honesty about romantic relationships. At least it thinks so. As a single girl I found the film rather discouraging and degrading to the nature of... men.
The lead character is an energetic and peppy single girl who is a bit overzealous in her dating endeavors. She jumps to conclusions and puts herself into situations that become embarrassing and she ends up making a bit of a fool of herself as well as a nuisance. Thankfully, a young and uninterested (therefore unbiased) bar tender comes to her rescue and offers advice to help her navigate the world of single men. Thus begins the adventures of one of the many couples that you root for (or against) the remainder of the film. My particular favorite of the stories is the coupling of Jennifer Aniston and Ben Affleck playing a pair that have been together for 7 years, and while she believes in marriage, he does not. The film is in many ways a wake up call to girls who "love the drama" and agonize over possible reasons a guy is not making a move. Often times the reality is... he does not want to. The guru played by Justin Long, (whom I've loved since Galaxy Quest) explains to our heroine that girls hold too tightly to the dreams that have been sparked by 'exceptions' to the norm, when they are 'the rule.'
As a single young woman watching the film, I could see how happily married or involved couples could enjoy the film and even most well adjusted independent women would agree whole heartedly with the message that sometimes the best step into our future is to be alone, for a change. If I hadn't related all too well to every negative experience our girls had I may have just as likely recommended it to anyone. However, the end of the film left me feeling a little hopeless. Am I doomed to a future of navigating the cues that are obvious to every other male on the planet but somehow indiscernible to the girls? Are the only options to be 1-a sucker, or 2-alone?
Looking back again over the list of men that our young single girl encountered in this film I came to a conclusion- all of them were jerks. Completely oblivious because of their self centered views they care nothing about the plight of the girl in front of them, but want to avoid looking like a jerk (there is a difference- reputation concern does not equal genuine concern). This film
does not do a favor for men. It perpetuates the idea that it's somehow a girl's fault that she can't see through lies-forget the fact that she's being lied to by a liar.
This cuts to the most trying issue of girls who are looking: we want to believe you. We want you to be the stand up guy who is acting kind and sweet. Is it really such a mystical jump that we would believe someone when they promise a phone call? According to the movie, yes it is. This film teaches us to distrust and keep on guard when looking out for a man we'd like to connect with-why? Because all guys are liars. All guys will first save their own skin. This depiction is absolutely dismal and unfair-to men.
I have to believe there are men out there who say what they mean and mean what they say. Men who will be up front enough to say "you know, this just isn't working out, you're not the girl for me." and maybe even tell you why- which is so much more constructive than stringing a girl along.
Now, I don't blame the men for everything bad that happened to our hapless heroine. I can't count the number of times I said under my breath "Oh please don't do that... oh no." And there is a legitimate issue with women who insist on encouraging their friends instead of being honest enough to say "he didn't call, because he's not interested." And the biggest discouragement of all would be believing that this is the end all be all picture of relationships because it leaves one BIG thing out of the picture: God's sovereignty.
God's plan for my life is bigger than just "will I or won't I get married." I need to continue seeking His perfect will, which may or may not include that. If I do start a relationship it will be in His timing, and His way (I hear His ways are perfect...) and Nothing is better than that.

Spotlight on Dependance

Before the throne of God I stand

Alone, endless white surrounds me. I gaze upon the throne with trepidation and resolve. I have been made righteous… and I will continue in this righteousness.

As I gaze upon the Lord, suddenly to my right, there is my sin. The black rough edged matter is a small and nearly insignificant pile. I don't even look at it. To look at it is to acknowledge its existence, and to recognize it as my own is to give it power. My gaze remains fixed upon the Lord. He knows my sin. He knows I fight against it. As I look to the Lord, with my eyes I say, You are my fortress. I take courage in you.

My sin grows. Suddenly the pile that was small and seemingly insignificant rapidly multiplies to be a steadily growing mound that if I were to turn my gaze to the side, it would crowd my vision. But I refuse to break my gaze away from the Lord. I resolve to be strong and stand firm before the Lord. He knows I struggle against it. He knows I choose to look on Him instead of my sin. But the mass of rough edged rock like blackness is now pushing by me. The once small and manageable pile at my feet is now running past me in an endless river that is rising, stark and harshly contrasting the pure white surroundings. All the while I gaze straight at the throne and nowhere else. Obviously sinking in my own wrong, I determine that by my resolve I shall stand. Struggle to maintain my balance and stay upright before God.

The anxiety I feel is rising. The waist deep teeming mass of dark and sharp edged ugliness is becoming an endless sea that threatens to swallow me. And I start to feel anger- anger at my own weakness, and foolishness. I can feel my footing start to slip. I am neck deep in my own sin that I rail against. I am being battered by the blackness, against my will. How can I ever stand? How can I possibly remain before the Lord? Any moment my footing will be knocked out from under me and I will vanish from before the throne, swept into the darkness which I have borne. It's impossible. And as I stretch out my arm toward the throne to reach toward the Lord as if to grab a hold, I am overtaken by the raging waves of iniquity and disappear from the throne, powerless to escape the raging sea. I am hopeless; lost forever from the presence of the throne. I cannot escape the ocean that is carrying me away, nor can I find footing to fight the endless current of the endless expanse of my own sin.

And I tried. I really did. For as long as I could I stood where I knew I should be. I stood with all my strength, willpower and desire to be right with God- to remain righteous-to be worthy of the grace I have been given. It was all in vain. I was powerless against my own wrong. How could I, how could anyone hope to stand before the throne? We are our own saboteurs, despite our best efforts we cannot remain in righteous standing before the Lord.

My despair is causing me to sink into the waves of death that have swept me away. On the horizon there is one immovable object. As I am swept closer the figure comes more into focus. There ahead of me standing firm and immovable is a cross. A man, who is weeping in anguish, is nailed to that cross. As my sin sweeps past and around this man on the cross the rough and sharp edges of my terrible deeds rip and tear away his flesh. The stone like black ugliness is battering him, crushing his bones and bruising his face. I do not want to look. I can't bear to see the things that I have done to this man. But the immovable cross is directly ahead of me. I see that along with my sin, I am being dragged with the full force of the flood toward the cross. I will be bashed against it with the blow of a battering ram and I know I will be broken by the force. Worse yet, I know that the force of my impact on this man will be the final strike that breaks Him.

Suddenly in one blinding crash, I am swept into the cross, against Jesus the Lamb of God. I close my eyes against the searing pain. As I weep I hear His sobs.

Then, I feel his arms wrap around me. He turns and holds me to him with surprising strength, and as he does the blood pouring from his battered body is smeared all over me. I am covered in it. I no more feel the rushing river of sin, because he is taking the impact of it. My ears are filled with the sound of his voice, as he prays over me. He prays over me. I am the one whose sin has broken his body. I am powerless and undeserving having done nothing righteous. My best efforts have come to nothing. Yet He holds me still.

I open my eyes, and gone is the endless ocean of my sin. I am standing whole and healed of all brokenness again before the throne of God. And holding me firm, steadying my hand, holding me still is Jesus. Yeshua the blameless one who still carries the wounds that my sin has left. He remains broken still so I can be whole.

My heart is full of so many things, and all I can do is gaze on my Savior. Cling to Him who has made me whole.

Before the throne of God I stand.