spotlight on courage, part 2

I had identified my problem: I wasn't in the word of God.
The Solution: Start reading the Bible.
Hurdles: Guilt... the guilt that I was presenting myself to the world as a Christian who didn't really know how to stand on her own two feet.
There was also the fact that when I would read my Bible on my own, I felt like I was missing something-missing alot actually. There were things that I simply assumed I would never understand. That frustrated me.
So what was my solution?
Prayer. It was so simple, it felt foolish. Praying to the Lord to help me understand what I was reading. Praying that something would change and I would understand what was going on. So I committed my heart to praying honestly for understanding. I also had a willing spirit... to do whatever work I needed to do to get to that place... truly open to whatever the Lord led me to.
Next came the step of faith: committing to discipline myself to read regularly, expecting results.
These were the necessary inner changes that prompted behavioral changes.
And God met me.
As I read, I would find that things became more and more clear, and easier to understand. My entire walk was truly revolutionized. The confidence in the God I serve grew exponentially. The confidence that I could know God's direct will for my life, for humanity, his plan for salvation... the answers to SO many questions I struggled with, were all there! It was like I was finally reading the manual to life.
I was astonished. I knew it was an answer to prayer.

Spotlight on Courage

K. I could pretty much be the poster child for the growing up Christian. Raised by Christian parents-check. Homeschooled for early education-check. Private Christian Education-check. Involved in many church functions, ministries, activities, extra curriculars-check. Was a "good kid" who hung out with other "good kids". And we really were good actually...
Being inundated with the Christianeese you find in all these places, I knew the jargon and the theological terms, and how to use them. I could sing on any worship team and deliver any speech (I once gave an abstinence talk for extra credit) and think nothing of it- in front of a primarily Christian audience.
Inside, hidden away was something I considered a shameful secret: I was a coward. Whenever people would go out street witnessing, I would make some excuse and opt out. When it came time to move out of my pond and transition to a bigger school - public college, there was a small part of me that always remained frightened. The idea of getting into a discussion about my Christianity, and my beliefs put me in a cold sweat.
I was fearful of looking foolish: of saying something that was unsound and therefore ridiculous. Fearful I wouldn't know the answer to the questions or objections of a skeptic. And to my deepest shame, there was a part of me that was nervous that if I truly listened without being armored up, I might be shaken in my own faith.
This fear stemmed from something quite simple actually- I lacked regular scripture in my diet.





The environment that spoon fed me the truth of who God was, and how to look at things with a Biblical perspective had not done something quite vital-I had not been motivated to read the Bible on my own. In fact, I was so burnt out by everything I was doing for necessity in school, church, ministry... I viewed personal Bible reading as a chore that I didn't have the will to complete. I felt that my environment gave me enough-more than.
I needed a change.
Truth be told, I always knew I needed one.
But what? How?